This week, David+Gabi and mom and dad are off on a cruise to Mexico. I wish I was on vacation too!! I wonder if it’ll be awkward. I guess I’ll know laterr.
So anyway, I’m taking a time out, just hanging out with myself. Watched some TV. I’m enjoying the silence. And then I randomly decided to check out PSC’s page. Turns out he’s still out there doing god knows what with his life, which is cool, whatever, life’s going on. I did laugh upon seeing that he had lost his phone.
Last week, he made lazy contact by sending me a picture to tell me that he was near where I lived. And that’s when I got it. It was like clock-work. This is nearly two weeks after that other lazy contact to go get coffee together. And THAT was another two weeks after I broke up with him. Basically, it’s not wrong to assume that he was in some kind of routine or I dunno, some weird pattern of thinking. Anyway, I liked that I was brief with him after breaking up with him, was able to turn down the coffee invite, and also flat out ignored that last picture message. There’s nothing to say anymore, so really, what’s the point of him trying to get in touch with me. I was laughing at the fact that he lost his phone because now, it’s pretty much for sure that he won’t ever contact me again - he doesn’t have my number anymore!! hahaha. While I was slightly amused/flattered (hey, I can get an ego stroke out of this too!)/curious to see how far he would take his bullshit with this lazy communication, it’s kinda nice to feel now that eh, it won’t ever happen anymore anyway. Kinda funny too.
I came to realize that, it wasn’t all about me. He himself is not the right guy for anyone right now, and for whoever it turns out to be, best of luck. Finding things out about him, such as the kinds of people he hangs out with (creeps at bars, and few close friends), his promiscuous history (includes the fact that he’s messed around on girls more than once, that he seemed not to be over his ex that he cheated on; and they’re not friends anymore), and the lifestyle in general that he’s leading (flaking, disappearing, very solitary and mysterious)… — he looks good on paper, and seemed to be what I wanted, or whatever, but there’s a lot about him that is not healthy. Plus it became apparent to me that his true, normal, not-trying-to-impress, natural state of being, it was coming out. He couldn’t keep up the facade he’d had on about being such a great guy, etc. And I’m shrugging this off.
I can finally clearly see the picture. With every new dating experience, I’m honing what it is that I want. I am learning what I’m attracted to, but I am also learning the limits of that attraction. There are some things that, despite how irrational and romantical I can get over the attraction, I think I will never forget. When I was truly naive, I had let some things slide, accepted some things that I should never accept. There are some boundaries that I know to uphold now, and some uncomfortable situations that I will recognize and not let myself be in anymore. I will take all these, and keep them as lessons learned.
I may be picky, but I hope that I’ll find what I’m looking for.